This is a very different version from what I had originally planned to post – it’s amazing how the events and reflection of a day can change your perspective!
It’s been 2 weeks since I completed my final university exams – ever – all cooped up in my bedroom before pressing ‘Submit’ and feeling emptiness instead of joy.
This past year of teaching has been different and difficult for many in a similar situation to me – something we could never have predicted – faced with online learning and the lack of the university experience such as living with friends or going out for a drink.
I had no idea how I expected to feel afterwards.
I didn’t really have anyone to celebrate with as it was the weekend and no doubt my friends had other plans which wouldn’t have been fair to interrupt at short notice.
Since then, I have been feeling rather low and a bit lost without structure nor the satisfaction of knowing what my grade is (which I know will come eventually). Quite simply, it is the end of an era.
I had a quick google to see if there was anything to describe how I’ve been feeling; it turns out this is a common feeling experienced by graduates known as the ‘uni blues’.
I thought it would be useful to fill a small part of the internet for my wonderful followers and those in the same position who maybe stumble across this post randomly.
I’ve been quite frank in previous posts that I aim to be honest about the ongoings in my week and I won’t lie, I have cried most days since, whether that be to someone or on my own. I suffer with major anxiety disorderand frequent panic attacks/flare ups within short amounts of time and I have been going through another recently.
Sad, I know. (get your violin out, Liz…)
The uni blues can feel different to everyone and vary in lengths of time. I’m not sure how long this will last for me, but no doubt I have been feeling very low (and the British weather + Pandemic certainly doesn’t help!)
As a result, I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone so as not to burden them. Everyone has said how well I’ve done (or implied), but it all comes down to how you feel, right?
My boyfriend gave me some firm facts whilst I was having another teary moment and that there are worse things that can happen (of course) and there will always be a positive. It just takes time.
Take a second a think about where you are right now to implement these perspectives (are you in a similar position?):
– I will not be homeless: who knows what the future may bring, however I have a family who I adore and love me back and will support each other
– I will always be able to get a job: this is very hard to debate pending the pandemic and fluctuating job market, particularly for those who have lost their jobs and 2020 graduates still seeking roles who have to compete. I know I have a very good skill set and work experience, but getting past the first hurdle is another thing which can eat away at confidence
– I am healthy: maybe not mentally, but I try to do want I can, to stay physical fit to alleviate issues elsewhere
There is so much I want to say after my time at university due to the sadly negative experience, but I feel it may be more appropriate as another post, so stay tuned if you are intrigued.
I hope others are able to empathise with this or read without judgement.
It is a tough time for many and I give you nothing but support and wish you positive health.